EX-BEAUTY QUEEN DECLARES WAR ON RAPISTS

Ex-beauty queen, journalist, writer and author, Karen Eloke Young has declared a war on all misogynists, male-chauvinists, male-sexists, etcetera, who do not have any respect for the female gender. Recently she took to twitter to narrate her experiences of sexual harassment in the hands of men. The particular incident that sparked her latest outrage was her experience in the hands a certain landlord whom she wanted to rent a house from. Apparently, she had paid the prospective landlord the sun of two million naira for the house and was waiting for the house to be put in proper shape before moving in. The landlord demanded a letter of identification from her company but she did not bargain for what transpired when she went to present the letter to the landlord. The man, she narrated, locked the doors, started groping for her breasts and even tried to kiss her.

While she didn’t tell us how she escaped the claws of the beast, it is apparent that the man could not carry out his wish but she was stunned when some days later, the landlord gave her a cheque for the money she had earlier paid him as rent. His reason for returning her money? He wanted a married couple, not a single lady. Her anger was aggravated when the agent who helped her secure the house insulted her by asking her to go and get herself a husband.

I feel I should ask a few questions at this juncture. What was the landlord expecting from her? That after paying such a huge sum, she should still sleep with him before she could move into the house? (And I am very sure that if that had happened, it would not have ended there. He would continue to go back to her again and again to satiate his lascivious desire.) I’m still wondering what made the landlord think he had the right to pounce upon a lady against her wish (even if the lady was his wife). Or could he have thought that the lady would give in to his uncouth demand for carnal pleasure? Or that nothing would happen if he succeeded in raping her? A lot of questions are just running through my mind. If the landlord knew he wanted a married couple in his house why did he allow her to pay for the rent only to return her money for spurning his bestial desire. As for the agent who insulted her because she is not married, may I ask: Does marriage in and of itself bring happiness? Must one get married at all cost just because everyone is getting married? Does the agent have a good marriage?

Karen says she has endured harassment since she was young. She also mentioned that even as a beauty queen, she suffered sexual harassment, this time, in the hand of someone who was supposed to know better. During her reign as Miss Delta, she said she went on a visit to a Commissioner but the visit soon turned into a chasing game, as the said commissioner chased her around the table in a bid to make her sleep with him. She was refused her prize and she in turn refused to hand over her crown and sash. Haba! Why are we like this in this part of the world? Why do males expect ladies to satisfy their sexual appetite before giving them what belongs to them or rendering any help to them? Why do men treat women as sex slaves? Why should females, no matter their ages – because it is shocking to hear what some males do to even very young girl-children – be molested sexually?

Why can’t our society offer adequate protection to the female folk? Can it be because we have been raised to believe that males are superior to females and that females are sex objects?

I think all these current realities in the country are the reasons for Karen’s anger. She says she can no longer take the harassments lying low. She says she has decided to stand against the current social order in Nigeria and that she is ready to fight alone – like a lioness. Karen, who describes herself as an angry woman, is determined to free Nigerian women from sexual slavery. She has declared a total war on all men who think women should be weak, complacent and quiet; men who think the appropriate punishment for misdemeanour is to sodomise women by pouring pepper into their private parts; men who subscribe to Baskethmouth’s recent joke on rape.

I think Nigeria needs more women like Karen, though there are other women who are also taking up the fight. There are also pockets of groups who are concerned about the rights and welfare of women. Women Arise

is one example of such groups. But there is a need for concerted and coordinated efforts by all these personalities and groups. There should be a sustained campaign to ensure that the rights of women are protected in this country. Men should also join in this crusade because these females are our sisters, daughters and mothers. We must get to that stage in Nigeria where assaults, battery, attacks, etc. on women are frowned at and punished severely. This will serve as deterrent to those who believe people men can do anything to women and get away with it.

For all those, who like Basketmouth, think rape is justifiable under any circumstance, Miss Karen Eloke Young has served you a notice.

Adeola Fayehun, the 'bad girl' of Nigerian TV

Adeola Fayehun is the courageous reporter who interviewed President Goodluck Jonathan on the streetsof New York last year. She stood her ground when aides of the president wanted to stop her from speaking with the president. She is a witty presenter who presents news in a humourous way on the online TV channel, Sahara TV.  Her satirical show, Keeping It Real with Adeola, has become a must-watch for many viewers from various parts of the world.

The first time I saw Keeping It Real, I fell in love with Adeola and the show because she offers her viewers a style of news presentation that is refreshing. Her style is witty, dramatic and sarcastic. I see Adeola as a social commentator and critic who brings a blast of fresh air to the social commentating scene in Nigeria. On her show, she presents news, especially about Nigeria, and pokes fun at some of the actors in the news. In fact, most times, she pokes fun at Nigeria’s (and Africa’s) political leaders, especially over wrong government decisions or brazen corrupt practices perpetrated by political leaders, their accomplices and hangers-on. This is why I call her the ‘bad girl’ of Nigerian TV.

Almost all Nigerian political leaders have become the butt of her satire at one point or the other. And many other African leaders have also borne the brunt of her jokes. Some recent examples are Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Paul Biya of Cameroon and Jacob Zuma of South Africa. At the risk of sounding overly categorical, I think Adeola is the strongest television – though Internet TV – critic of mis-governance, maladministration and corruption in Nigeria just like Japheth Omojuwa is the strongest critic on the social media.

Beyond its satirical nature, Keeping It Real with Adeola, is very informative, keeping viewers abreast of major socio-political happenings in Nigeria and other notable events around the world. The weekly programme presents a round-up of events usually bothering on the welfare of Nigerians and masses in other countries, especially African countries, who are not finding life easy in their country. I must also add that Keeping It Real is not about sarcasm, poking fun and satire. Outstanding personalities and inspiring events are also aired on the show. Tributes are paid to deserving individuals and important dates or ceremonies are celebrated on the show.

There is no doubt that Adeola is becoming influential by the day in Nigeria due to the number of people who watch her show. She is gradually becoming one of the most influential women in Nigeria. The truth is she is doing a great job. I keep discovering that there is hardly anyone who sees her programme who does not immediately fall in love with her, except for the corrupt people who are the objects of her fun. But there is no doubt that she offers constructive criticism on her show. She is really doing a wonderful job of monitoring events in Nigeria though she lives in New York.

The fan base and followership of this enfant terrible is growing by the day. Adeola, who graduated in 2007 from Olivet College with a BA in Mass Communication and had her Master’s in Broadcast Journalism from the City University of New York’s Graduate School of Journalism, has over 2000 followers on twitter and it is noteworthy that the Special Adviser on Media and Publicity to the President of Nigeria, Reuben Abati, also follows her on twitter. This means Adeola’s messages are getting to the seat of power in Nigeria (I hope Abati won’t decide to unfollow her if he gets to read this post).

The ‘bad girl’ of Nigerian TV, who says African leaders need to care for their people and serve them instead of enriching themselves, started Keeping It Real with Adeola, as a departure from the monotonous way of presenting news. Her motivation was to present news in an entertaining way and this move has paid off today. She has presented over a hundred episodes and you can download them on the Internet.

A very important lesson to learn from Adeola’s story is that people usually appreciate innovation, and also what will make them laugh. We can always find around us something that we can do differently that will be welcome by others. One clue to knowing when it is right to innovate: if you find it boring and cumbersome, there is a high possibility others also find it so. Why not do something about it, then?

Let me end this post by saying, "Adeola, I appreciate what you are doing. Keep up the good work. Peace out."

Leadership Levels and Nigeria’s Political Leaders

“Leadership is all about influence.” This assertion is constantly made by John C. Maxwell, a leadership expert who has taught about leadership for more than 30 years. He claims that anyone who has an influence over another person is a leader. This means everybody can be a leader in their own respect. That submission contradicts what most of us believe about leadership. We have always confused leadership with position but we are not entirely correct if we hold on to that belief. This incorrect belief, I want to assume, contributes to why many people have refused to behave like leaders wherever they have found themselves.

Maxwell also claims that you don’t need a title to be a leader. He urges that people should not get to the top before they learn to lead. I think Maxwell’s appeal is based on the fact that it is almost always too late for an individual to start learning about leadership when he gets to the position. An individual who waits till he gets a title before learning about leadership will come across as inept and unqualified.

Maxwell identifies five levels of leadership to which we all belong at one point or the other. Every leader or individual around you is on one of these levels of leadership. I will briefly explain what each level of leadership is all about and I will also give examples of some personalities, especially Nigerian leaders, who belong in these levels.

Level One is positional leadership. On this level, your position is the only thing that bestows authority on you. So people follow you because they have to and not because they want to. Your influence does not extend beyond the position you are holding or your job description. Examples of people on this level are military dictators who get to power by the power of the gun. Usually, the citizens of such countries follow their leader because they have no option. If they had an option, they would defy the government of their country.

From Level Two, people follow a leader because they want to. A leader on level two is that person who has been able to build relationships with people. Such a person has been able to communicate to his followers that he values them and cares for them. He has earned the trust of people and they in turn give him the permission to lead them. I believe President Barack Obama is on this level of leadership. Late Chief Bola Ige, Late Fela Anikulapo-Kuti and Governor Adams Oshiomole of Edo State are my picks for leaders on level two.

You get to Level Three of leadership because of what you have achieved. People follow you because of your results or track record. They like you and what you are doing. They see you as an achiever; a performer; one who can get things done and because of this they want to follow you. They see you as competent and believe that they will succeed if they follow you. Late Chief Gani Fawehinmi, Governor Babatunde Fashola of Lagos State and Nuhu Ribadu are my examples of a level three leader.

Those on Level Four are those who develop others. They have been able to reproduce many other leaders. They pour themselves into their followers by mentoring them and helping them to develop their skills. People follow them because of what they have done for them. One example of a level four leader that readily comes to my mind is Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, former Governor of Lagos State.

The Fifth Level is a level you can't get to by yourself. You cannot strive to get there. You can only be put there by others after you have succeeded in leading them from the first four levels for a long period. Only a few persons ever get to this level. These are persons who have come to be revered for the impact they have made on the world around them. Examples of individuals in this category are Chief Obafemi Awolowo, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Junior and Mahatma Ghandi.

Having read about the five levels of leadership as espoused by John Maxwell, can you identify what level you are on? Whatever level you are on, you should know that there is still room for improvement. It should also help you identify the leadership level of your political leaders.

.

P.S. I want to admit that the examples of persons I have given in this post are my own opinions and the possibility of being subjective is very high.

How to Sell Yourself in an Interview

I am not yet a master communicator but I know a few: John Maxwell, Pastor Joseph Prince, Joel Osteen, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Larry King, among others. The following tips are from Larry King who has interviewed so many people in his lifetime and who has also been involved in many business and career interviews. The tips are taken from his book How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication. I will suggest that you read the whole book because it is a goldmine of useful information on the art of communication. These suggestions are meant for anyone who wants to go for any kind of interview: job, business, promotion, etc.

I hereby present to you, the following pieces of timeless advice from Larry King on how to sell yourself in an interview:

Show What You Can DO

Show your prospective employer/client what you can do for them. Let them know the unique contributions you bring. Don’t tell them what they already know about you; that is, what’s on your resume. Tell them how you are going to do the job better than anyone else. Make them think about how good they would look if they hire you. Sell your advantages not features by talking about your abilities, expertise and contacts you have built over time.

Maintain an Open Attitude

Let your demeanour be welcoming. Don’t stifle your openness. Communicate your enthusiasm for the job/business. It is a refreshing characteristic employers/clients are looking for. It is a quality that can make a difference and it shows you are a good prospect.

Be Prepared

Prepare well. Rehearse your answers and comments. Go over the key points you want to make at the interview several times before the interview. Figure out how you will answer hard questions instead of planning to dodge them.

Ask questions

Asking questions helps you learn about the company. It gives you the opportunity to have a good feel of the prospective company/client. Employers/clients respect someone who displays the initiative to ask intelligent questions about their company. Asking questions also shows that you are prepared and you care.

Did you find the tips useful? I sure did and will put them to use the next time an opportunity presents itself. How about you?

Cheers!

WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF ENCOURAGING RAPE!

Early this year, Nigerians experienced the first drama on our social scene, which I have termed the Basketmouthgate scandal, when Bright Okpocha, popularly known as Basketmouth, goofed by posting a rather insensitive joke online. Basketmouth had in the post suggested that it was okay to rape a black girl after some dates, especially after spending heavily on her. But in an unexpected twist, Nigerians have strongly condemned the joke. While the overwhelming outcry against the offensive joke is commendable, I think Baskethmouth is not to blame on this issue. Yes, he is not to blame. All of us are to blame.

For a long time, we have condoned comedians in Nigeria making vulgar, obscene and totally inappropriate jokes. On many occasions, we laughed at their jokes about the female anatomy, especially their breasts and buttocks.

What we didn’t know was that we were encouraging them to be bolder and more adventurous with their jokes. We were sowing the wind and now that we are reaping the whirlwind, we are shouting. Why are we shouting? We egged them on. We cheered them. We paid them to ‘yab’ us. Then, we saw nothing wrong in what they were doing. After all, we were only catching fun and it didn’t matter if they said anything that was gross. Why are we now up in arms when an ‘ambassador’ has shown that carrying the tag of a celebrity does not make you a savant?

Basketmouth’s faux pas is only a reflection of our society. He has succeeded in exposing our underbelly. For a long time in our society, we have turned blind eyes and deaf ears to the plight of abused women; and it is not just women. We have not demonstrated the right response to cases of abuse of any kind, except on a few occasions. Recently, some women were sodomised in Lagos and the video was posted on a social media site for all to see. These women were accused of stealing pepper and it was decided that the judgment to be meted out on them was that ground pepper should be poured into their private parts. HABA! Some people also inserted sticks into their private parts and Nigerians did not cry out until Dr. Joe Okei-Odumakin (God bless the woman) of Women Arise led some other people to ask for investigation into the matter. I am sure the Baskemouthgate scandal got more coverage and publicity than the sodomy case. Why then are we blaming him for joking about rape?

Haven’t we come up with various justifications for rape? Do we not almost always blame the lady? Do we not ask why she went into the same room with a guy? Do we not say there is no free lunch anywhere, so why should a guy be spending on a lady and not get anything in return? Is that kind of warped mentality not what informed Basketmouth’s joke? How many times have we insisted that justice be dispensed in a rape case? How did the case of that traditional ruler who was accused of raping a youth corps member end? What has happened concerning the gang rape of a lady by five men from the Abia State University some years ago, the video of which was also posted online? Now in Nigeria, rape cases are reported almost on a daily basis and we do not hear of the rapists being punished, when sentencing has been pronounced in the 2012 Delhi gang rape case. So why are we blaming Basketmouth for ‘merely’ joking about rape?

Why will he not go on air, even after apologising for his gaffe, to say that jokes should have no limit, since, like many of us, he has no sense of propriety and appropriateness? Why will he not make half-hearted apologies? 

But thank God Nigerians rose up this time. I believe Nigerians should be commended for letting Basketmouth know that certain societal standards are expected from people and even celebrities, who nowadays wield enormous influence through social media. He has been made to understand that ambassadors whether of countries, products or brands are expected to uphold certain societal conventions.

Even if he has failed to realise the foolishness of his actions, Nigerians have united to condemn his thoughtlessness and if he has the good sense to make amends, it will be good for him. If not, he will find himself on downward slope into the abyss of ignominy and irrelevance. Other comedians, musicians and film producers should also take note!

Thank you, Nigerians for standing up against rape.

Find out Larry King's success secrets in this post

“I didn't learn anything while I was talking.” 

― Larry King

Lawrence Harvey Zeiger, (widely known as Larry King) host of the very popular and highly successful talk show, Larry King Live, the first international TV call-in show, is a good case study in the art of communication. The show was the highest-rated talk show on air, with many celebrities wanting to be on it. He ran the show for 25 years before quitting, so he can be regarded as an authority in the field of broadcasting and when he talks about communication everyone must listen. 

In his book, How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication, King shared some secrets that anyone involved in any kind of communication should put to use. He also shared in the book, secrets to his own success as a broadcaster. I believe all of us, no matter what we do, are involved in the business of communication. In one way or the other, we are selling something to another person. And one key tool in the art of selling is communication. So I believe Larry King’s insight will be of benefit to everybody and not just those involved in broadcasting or public speaking.

Here are some of the insights King shared in his book:

Show interest in people and respect them

Mr. King asserts that one cannot talk successfully to others if they think one has no interest in what they have to say or if the think one has no respect for them. One’s body language and attitude should show one is interested in the other party. Your communication partner(s) can tell whether you respect them or not. If they sense that you respect them, they will show more interest in the conversation but if they sense that you don’t respect them nothing you try will get their interest.

Make eye contact

Larry King advises that one should make eye contact throughout a conversational exchange because it helps one to listen closely to the other person. Maintaining eye contact conveys a message to the other person that you are listening with attention but you should avoid staring into the other person’s eyes or stare into space.

Demonstrate openness 

Your listener(s)/audience relate to your openness. So find a common ground with your fellow speaker or listener(s). Tell stories about yourself. Talk about your background, tastes and preferences. Be honest about yourself. You should also learn to put others at ease. Let them talk about themselves, especially about fond memories.

Listen sincerely 

Mr. King says to be a good talker, you must be a good listener. Listening sincerely helps you to learn a lot. It helps you to learn more about the other person and also come up with appropriate follow-up questions. When you listen sincerely to the other person, you show them you are interested in them and you can respond appropriately to them.

Stay informed: Make effort to be conversant with the goings-on around you. Try to know what people are talking about. This will help you to strike conversations easily and sustain conversations.

Use the word ‘why’ a lot 

This is the surest way of keeping a conversation flowing. Mr. King confesses in the book that he used the word ‘why’ more than any other word on his TV show.

Show Enthusiasm 

It was Larry King’s enthusiasm that got him his first job as a broadcaster and kept him in the job all through. Enthusiasm will help you survive difficult periods.

I sincerely hope you found the pieces of advice useful. And I hope you will put them to use. Even if you had known about them before now, I believe this post was a great reminder for you and you will continue to follow the advice of someone who is a master of communication and whom some have called America's best-known master of conversation.

Shalom!

Shocking Revelations about Nigeria and Nigerians

'When mankind finally gets to Mars, they'll find a Nigerian already there, cutting a deal.'

                                    Ateh Jewel

Nigerians are special people, and interesting too. We are just different from others. Our outlook on life is different. Our behaviours command attention. We just cannot be ignored wherever we find ourselves, whether for good or bad. Recently, I read an article by Tatler – a British glossy magazine which focuses on fashion, lifestyle and coverage of celebrities and politics – titled, The Nigerians Have Arrived. The article, written by David Jenkins, profiled the lives of rich young Nigerians living in London. Some of the revelations in the article were interesting and some were alarming. So I decided to glean them and share them on this page. Some facts about Nigeria that I didn’t know were also disclosed in the article. This post thus contains facts about Nigerians generally, Nigeria and rich young Nigerians, especially those living in London. I hope you find these revelations informative.

These are the revelations/facts:

• Nigerians collect PhDs like confetti and are intensely entrepreneurial (We all know that one, abi?).
• Nigeria has gone from being dubbed the happiest society in the world in 2003 by New Scientist to being called the most stressed-out society on earth in 2013 by Bloomberg.
• £250bn of oil revenues have been stolen or misspent since independence in 1960.
• 70 per cent of people living in Nigeria - sixty-two per cent of whom are under 25 – live on less than £1.25 a day.
• Nigerians are the sixth-highest foreign spenders in the UK, racking up an average £628 in each shop, four times what the average British shopper coughs up.
• Harrods, a high-class store located in London, is looking for Yoruba-speaking staff.
• Western retailers, like Zegna, Boss, MAC and L'Oréal, are moving into Nigeria.
• Nigerians account for 46.3 per cent of total African sales in London.
• Nigerians are investing £250m in British property every year and spend £300m annually at British universities and schools.
• A Nigerian paid £100m for four flats in One Hyde Park.
• For most rich young Nigerians living in London, every day is a champagne day.
• A Nigerian singer, marked his 24th birthday in London with what was reported to be a £1.2m diamond-encrusted bottle of Taste of Diamonds champagne bought for him by Liam Payne of One Direction.
• Nigeria is the second fastest-growing champagne market after France.
• Total champagne consumption reached 752,879 bottles in 2011 and the country is spending around 41.41bn naira (£159m) on the drink annually.
• Moët Rosé is now the favourite champagne of Nigerians.
• A particular Nigerian champagne war in an American club ended with the winner spending £1.1m.
• Once, some Nigerians sent another Nigerian at a different table a bottle of champagne, and he sent 20 bottles back.
• More than 140,000 Nigerians come to London annually.
• The cost of first-class tickets from Lagos to London is twice the cost from Accra to London, though the distance is almost the same.
• A Nigerian gave himself a £28m jet in April 2010, as a 53rd birthday present.
• Land on Banana Island in Lagos is as expensive as any on earth.
• There's a market for expensive cars in Nigeria and Porsche has opened up in the country.
• A Nigerian has 133 ponies and owns a private polo facility in Delta State, Nigeria.
• A former governor in Nigeria paid £2.2m in cash for his house in Hampstead when his official salary was £3,700 a year.

Can you see that Nigerians are special? We are just different. Or how on earth does one explain how most rich Nigerians spend money? It appears our propensity for vanity and narcissism can never be rivaled by other human beings. With such reports as this, do we expect many honest hardworking Nigerians who are still battling to get free from the clutches of poverty and lack to just sit by watching and hoping that things will be better? In a country where more than half live in poverty, can the stupendously rich live in peace and safety with the way they flaunt their wealth? Won’t many be tempted to want to become rich at all cost? And what does a ‘get rich at all cost’ mentality bode for a nation? Please if you have answers to my posers, I will be delighted to hear from you.