Of Arsenal, Humour and a Psalm of Praise

This is the end of December. I know you already know that but if you are a follower of the English Premier League, you will know that December is a crucial month in the title race. I purposely started this piece by announcing that we are in December because I support Arsenal FC and supporters of rival clubs had predicted that Arsenal's title race would end in December. But alas! We are in December and Arsenal are still on top of the log. In fact, Arsenal will go into the new year top of the standing (I even heard the club amassed the highest number of points in a calendar year). Opponents, competitors and detractors expected the unravelling of my darling club but it was not to be. Even though Arsenal suffered a drubbing at the hands of Manchester City in December, the fact remains that they have been the most consistent team in the premiership so far. I dare say that Arsenal have been the best club so far this season - the position of the club at this stage of the season proves that.Why am I going on and on about Arsenal? It is because my club has now come of age again after the era of the like of Thiery Henry, Patrick Viera, Dennis Bergkamp, Freddie Lungberg, Robert Pires, Gilberto, Sol Campbell, et al. It is because I believe that come May 2014 when the current premier league season ends, Arsenal will be on top of the table. It is because Arsenal have shown desire and ambition this season and thus, have dropped the title pretender toga. MOST SIGNIFICANTLY, IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS DECEMBER AND ARSENAL ARE STILL IN CONTENTION FOR THE LEAGUE TITLE. IN FACT, THEY ARE TOPPING THE TABLE and by that they have given me an end of the year gift.

Enough about Arsenal for now. I want to share some funny materials as part of my parting shot this year. I am someone who loves humour a lot. I try as much as possible to see the humour in every situation. I also love reading humourous materials and I have decided to share some of them with you.

I hope you find them amusing and a great way to end the year.

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

"Evening news is when they start off with Good Evening and then proceed to telling you why it isn't.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Lecturer: Why are you looking at those monkeys outside when I am in the class?

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

Kid: No, he did it all by himself.

Once, a woman invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

"Would you like to say the blessing?" she said.

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear mommy say," the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?".

A lady woman was surprisingly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

Doctor: I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip one day, and repeat this instruction for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.

After 2 weeks, when lady returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 15 pounds.

Doctor: Wow, that’s brilliant! Did you follow my plan?

Lady nodded. I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.

Doctor: From hunger, you mean?

Lady: Nope... from skipping!

Once a thief enter in a home and finds a note on locker - "Please don't break the lock, Just push the button and it will open easily.

So he does the same But after doing that - Police arrives!

Thief Shouts: There is no value of Honesty!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the

coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then

we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you

should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my

coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him

at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

In ending this piece, I want to give gratitude to God for preserving me to see the end of another year and for giving me ideas to write about. The following psalm is a summary of my experiences this year and it encapsulates my deep gratitude to the Most High for being faithful to me and mine this year:

Psalms 138:1-8 NKJV

I will praise You with my whole heart; Before the gods I will sing praises to You. I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord , When they hear the words of Your mouth. Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord , For great is the glory of the Lord . Though the Lord  is on high, Yet He regards the lowly; But the proud He knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand Against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The Lord will perfect that  which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord , endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

On this note, I want to thank all of you who read my posts this year. You have been a huge encouragement and it is for this reason that I will continue to write in 2014. Wishing you all a wonderful 2014. God bless you. SHALOM SHALOM!