Of Arsenal, Humour and a Psalm of Praise

This is the end of December. I know you already know that but if you are a follower of the English Premier League, you will know that December is a crucial month in the title race. I purposely started this piece by announcing that we are in December because I support Arsenal FC and supporters of rival clubs had predicted that Arsenal's title race would end in December. But alas! We are in December and Arsenal are still on top of the log. In fact, Arsenal will go into the new year top of the standing (I even heard the club amassed the highest number of points in a calendar year). Opponents, competitors and detractors expected the unravelling of my darling club but it was not to be. Even though Arsenal suffered a drubbing at the hands of Manchester City in December, the fact remains that they have been the most consistent team in the premiership so far. I dare say that Arsenal have been the best club so far this season - the position of the club at this stage of the season proves that.Why am I going on and on about Arsenal? It is because my club has now come of age again after the era of the like of Thiery Henry, Patrick Viera, Dennis Bergkamp, Freddie Lungberg, Robert Pires, Gilberto, Sol Campbell, et al. It is because I believe that come May 2014 when the current premier league season ends, Arsenal will be on top of the table. It is because Arsenal have shown desire and ambition this season and thus, have dropped the title pretender toga. MOST SIGNIFICANTLY, IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS DECEMBER AND ARSENAL ARE STILL IN CONTENTION FOR THE LEAGUE TITLE. IN FACT, THEY ARE TOPPING THE TABLE and by that they have given me an end of the year gift.

Enough about Arsenal for now. I want to share some funny materials as part of my parting shot this year. I am someone who loves humour a lot. I try as much as possible to see the humour in every situation. I also love reading humourous materials and I have decided to share some of them with you.

I hope you find them amusing and a great way to end the year.

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

"Evening news is when they start off with Good Evening and then proceed to telling you why it isn't.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Lecturer: Why are you looking at those monkeys outside when I am in the class?

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.

Customer: Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

Kid: No, he did it all by himself.

Once, a woman invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

"Would you like to say the blessing?" she said.

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear mommy say," the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?".

A lady woman was surprisingly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

Doctor: I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip one day, and repeat this instruction for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.

After 2 weeks, when lady returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 15 pounds.

Doctor: Wow, that’s brilliant! Did you follow my plan?

Lady nodded. I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.

Doctor: From hunger, you mean?

Lady: Nope... from skipping!

Once a thief enter in a home and finds a note on locker - "Please don't break the lock, Just push the button and it will open easily.

So he does the same But after doing that - Police arrives!

Thief Shouts: There is no value of Honesty!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the

coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then

we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you

should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my

coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him

at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

In ending this piece, I want to give gratitude to God for preserving me to see the end of another year and for giving me ideas to write about. The following psalm is a summary of my experiences this year and it encapsulates my deep gratitude to the Most High for being faithful to me and mine this year:

Psalms 138:1-8 NKJV

I will praise You with my whole heart; Before the gods I will sing praises to You. I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord , When they hear the words of Your mouth. Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord , For great is the glory of the Lord . Though the Lord  is on high, Yet He regards the lowly; But the proud He knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand Against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The Lord will perfect that  which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord , endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

On this note, I want to thank all of you who read my posts this year. You have been a huge encouragement and it is for this reason that I will continue to write in 2014. Wishing you all a wonderful 2014. God bless you. SHALOM SHALOM!

Trailblazing Nigerians, Bishop David Oyedepo and Alhaji Aliko Dangote: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

One is primarily a preacher; the other is a business mogul. One is an incorrigible unrepentant Christian; the other a faithful Muslim. One is a blunt, no-nonsense personality; the other is a discreet and reserved individual. But they are both entrepreneurs. They are visionaries. They have made their impact on the Nigerian society. They cannot be ignored in the scheme of things. They both wield enormous influence on practically every sphere of our national life in Nigeria.

Bishop David Olaniyi Oyedepo is the founder and presiding bishop of Living Faith Church World Wide, also known as Winners Chapel, which has its headquarters, a 5,000-acre (20 km2) land called Canaanland, in Ota Ogun State, Nigeria. The church dedicated a 50, 000 capacity auditorium, Faith Tabernacle, in 1999 and has established about 100 educational institutions based on Christian principles across Nigeria and the African Continent from primary to tertiary levels. Bishop Oyedepo, born in 1954, was in 2011 named by Forbes magazine as the richest pastor in Nigeria.

Alhaji Aliko Dangote is the Founder/Chief Executive of the Dangote Group, a conglomerate which started in 1977 as a small trading firm with a loan from his uncle. Today, his business interests cut across food processing, cement manufacturing, freight, telecommunications, etc. Dangote, who was born in 1957 and whose conglomerate is the largest industrial group in Nigeria, is ranked by Forbes Magazine as the richest man in Africa and the 43rd richest person in the world.

What do these two individuals have in common? Maybe the question to ask is can these two very dissimilar indibuals possess anything in common? My answer is in the affirmative. Yes they can and indeed they do have some things in common. Let's check out some of the similarities between a bishop and an alhaji.

1. Both of them were born in the 1950’s

2. Both of them started small. Bishop Oyedepo started his ministry with a small congregation but today he has one of the larest congregations in Nigeria. Alhaji Dangote started as a petty trader and has grown his business to a conglomerate.

3. Both of them moved from the North of Nigeria to Lagos in the South-West region of the country. Bishop Oyedepo moved from Kaduna to Lagos before eventually settling in Ota, Ogun State while Alhaji Dangote moved from Kano to Lagos.

4. Bishop Oyedepo is the richest pastor in Nigeria, according to Forbes;Aliko Dangote is the richest African, according to Forbes

5. The two of them are involved in different ventures: Bishop Oyedepo is a preacher, author and publisher, propietor/chancellor and the church he leads is involved in hospitality, bakery, etc. while Dangote is into cement, sugar, salt, oil and gas, telecommunications, etc.

6. Bishop Oyedepo church has branches in different countries; Dangote has plants in different countries.

7. Dangote’s sugar refinery at Apapa port, Lagos is the biggest in Africa while Bishop Oyedepo’s Faith Tabernacle is the biggest church building in the world.

8. Both of them have private jets

9. They were both influenced by a grandparent. The two of them acknowlege the influence of a grandparent on their lives.

10. The two of them are huge employers of labour.

This post is not just about the similarities between these two personalities but the lessons we can also draw from their stories. Some of these lessons are:

i. Mentors and worthy role models are important to our success in life. Both Bishop Oyedepo and Dangote can never forget the impact of their grandparents on their lives. And even as they progressed in their chosen endeavours, they took on more mentors.

ii. Success is a journey. We should learn to start small but dream big. Both of them started small but they had big dreams and they have ended up big and are even getting bigger.

iii. Patience is a necessary virtue one should possess. It has taken both of them over two decades to get to where they are today.

iv. One should not stop thinking. These two personalities are visionaries and thinkers and we can see the reflection of these in their achievements. They keep starting new ventures (products of their thinking). They are innovators (because they keep thinking).

v. It is not always true that being a jack of all trades makes one a master of none. Bishop Oyedepo and Alhaji Dangote are men of many parts who are very successful. They learned to diversify their interests and thereby increased their sphere of influence and impact.

What other lessons have the lives of these individuals taught you? Please on't hesitate to share them with us on this forum.

Cheers.

The Demystification of Jose Mourinho

"I don't feel comfortable enough to tell you what I think about the game. We're in trouble. It is a concern [conceding so many goals]. I don't like it, I don't organise my teams to be like this."

Jose Mourinho, December, 2013

I have got a huge respect for Jos Mourinho, even if I don’t particularly like him because I am a faithful supporter of Arsenal and considering the fact that Arsenal have never beaten a team coached by Mourinho as far as I know. Truth be told, Mourinho has had phenomenal achievements as a football coach: two Champions League Cups, seven league titles in four different countries, going nine years undefeated in home league games, among other achievements.

He has proved to the footballing world too many times that he is the king of tactics and I think he is the most tactical football coach in the world currently.

I believe he is a special one. I don’t agree with the special one tag that he has been carrying since his first sojourn in English football. He is indeed special, just as my favourite coach, Arsene Wenger is very special. In fact, there are many special coaches around: Sir Alex Ferguson, Pep Guardiola, Jupp Heynckes, Marcello Lippi, Harry Redknapp, etc.

Mourinho came to the English Premiership on the heels of his success in the Champions League with FC Porto, which was a very significant achievement on its own. As coach of Chelsea, Mourinho took the English football arena by storm by winning two titles in his first season in England. Chelsea lost only one game during that season.

After an unceremonious exit from Chelsea, he went to Italy as coach of Inter Milan in 2008 and he won the  Italian Serie A (2009), (2010), Italian Cup (2010). In fact, in 2010, he led Inter to win a treble: the Serie A, the Italian cup and the UEFA Champions league.

He left Inter and came to Spain as coach of Real Madrid in 2010 and this was where his unravelling began despite the fact that he started on a very bright note. It got so bad that he did not win a major tiltle in his last season in charge at Real Madrid. Before the 2012/2013 season, he had led Real Madrid to victories in the 2011 Copa Del Roy and 2012 La Liga. He never won the double in Spain; a feat he had achieved with his previous clubs. It was during his last season at Real Madrid that the Mourinho effect started wearing off on all of us. The same Jose Mourinho who had looked unbeatable now looked very beatable and this was proved again and again during that season. The Mourinho whom we had all thought would always win a final lost to Athletico Madrid in the final of the 2012 Kings Cup and that was when Mourinho was finally demystified. 

This current season is already proving that Mourinho’s teams are no longer dreaded as before. In fact, Basel, a team I consider minnows in Europe have beaten Chelsea home and away in the ongoing Champions League. This is unlike the Mourinho’s teams we used to know. In Mourinho's first season with Chelsea, the team lost five games in all competitions but already this season, they have lost five matches. In that same season, the team dropped 11 points in away matches in the league while already this season, which is not halfway yet, they have dropped 13 points away from home. In the 2004/2005 season, they conceded 15 goals while this season, they have already conceded 17.

It is very obvious that unlike before, Mourinho is no longer feared by teams around the world. They are no longer in awe of the one who, at different times, has called himself The Special One, The Only One and The Happy One. He now looks very beatable to opposing coaches. His defence, which used to be water-tight, now looks like it can leak plenty of goals. His opponents have now realised that they don’t have to give up before trying.

I think the important question to ask is ‘what led to the demystification of Mourinho?' My response: the troubles he had at Real Madrid. During his time at Real Madrid, Mourinho had troubled relationships with some members of his squad, leading to a dressing room revolt, rifts among star players, among other things. It was even reported he ended his tenure with only four players in the dressing room feeling any kind of loyalty or affinity towards him. The troubles in the dressing room spilled over to the field of play and affected players’ performances. The team started dropping points and losing matches. The ‘special’ cloak on Mourinho was pulled off and today, opposing teams can face his team in a game with the confidence that they can take something from the game.

The big lesson I am able to draw from Mourinho’s experience at Real Madrid is that unity, love, cohesion and cooperation are needed for success in a team or group. No matter how brilliant and intelligent individual members of the team possess, if they do not have a unity of purpose, they will find it difficult to experience collective success.

P. S. I must admit that various factors may be responsible for Chelsea's current form but as an ardent Arsenal supporter, I think Mourinho’s demystification is a welcome development.

If Nelson Mandela was a Nigerian...

Was Nelson Mandela a man from our clime? Was he truly African? He definitely did not think or act like an African. He looked like he came from another world. He exhibited characteristics that you would hardly find in an African leader and that is why he is respected the world over. He was a true statesman, a man of integrity, a man of peace, the father of a nation, a bridge builder, a visionary, a selfless personality, a man who knew how to connect with the people he led, a man who lived for the people and who will continually be in the hearts of people the world over.

This post is a tribute to this extraordinary person. It is my own way of showing how much he was different from the rest of us in Africa and particularly, our politicians in Nigeria. The following, therefore, are my thoughts on how he might have acted if he was a Nigerian politician.

If Nelson Mandela was a Nigerian:

• He would have spent more than one term in office as president.
• He would have tried (and might have succeeded) to tinker with his country’s constitution to elongate his time in office perpetually.
• He would have found a way to get back at a particular ethnic group for the years he spent in incarceration.
• He would have set up a sham truth and reconciliation commission.
• He would have probed preceding administrations.
• He would have made himself the life patron of the African National Congress (ANC).
• If he eventually left office, his home would be the venue of different political meetings where fates of election candidates would be determined.
• He would have installed his crony or a puppet in office as his successor.
• He would have spoken against the administration of succeeding presidents.
• He would have denied his health condition or the cause of his son’s death (when he died of AIDS in 2005) but instead would have provided various cover-up stories.
• His children would have been made ministers.
• He would have asked to be flown out of the country for medical treatment.
• An expatriate company would have built a palatial mansion for him as a retirement gift.
• He would never have retired from public life (that’s actually a strange concept to Africans). He would be seeking relevance by all means. Ironically, the great Madiba was relevant till death and still is even in death. He never sought relevance but he could not be ignored. He was venerated. He was loved. He was celebrated.

Nelson Mandela was indeed a rare breed. He has played his part on the stage of life and has now bowed out. Let me end this post with some of the comments that have trailed his death.

President Obama: "A man who took history in his hands and bent the arc of the moral universe towards justice."

Bill Clinton: "I will never forget my friend Madiba."

Richard Branson: "Today we lost not only a great man; we also lost one of the world's greatest leaders.

Bill Gates: "Every time Melinda and I met Nelson Mandela, we left more inspired than ever. His grace and courage changed the world. This is a sad day."

Samuel L. Jackson: "Never met a better person in my life than Nelson Mandela. My sympathy to his family & his country."

What are the other things you think Mandela would have done if he was a Nigerian politician? Please give your thoughts as comments below. Thanks.